Daily Dose for Wednesday 2/22/06

from R.R.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)I know I'm not going to understand women.I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINARWhile attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cottonballs and a ball of string on the counter.She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?He answers, " You see, it's like this,

yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rollingpapers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?""Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about whoshould brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible

that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament

and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving eachother the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,

but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

From S.C.

Still in Love After 77 Valentine's Days
--------------------
By Associated Press
February 15 2006, 7:42 AM EST
SALEM, Ore. -- Fred Landis has a Valentine's Day ritual. Sometime, somewhere, he'll lean over to his wife, Gwen, and say, "I love you." They say he's been doing that on Valentine's Days since 1928, when they were married.
In October, Fred, 102, and Gwen, 101, celebrated their 77th wedding anniversary, and they are not far shy of a record. The longest current marriage, according to the 2006 edition of Guinness World Records, is 78 years, 296 days.
On Valentine's Day 2006, Fred will say "I love you" a bit louder than he used to because Gwen is hard of hearing. Fred has macular degeneration, which has kept him from writing poetry for her.
Gwen says Fred wrote poems to her during their courtship, a gesture that may have won her heart.
"I think that had something to do with it," she said with a shy smile.
They met in 1924 as college students, he at Albany College and she at Simpson Bible College in Seattle. Fred attended a church where Gwen's father was the pastor. When they were married, Gwen's father performed the ceremony.
Gwen remembers receiving $800 for a wedding gift, then losing it all in the stock-market crash the following year.
The Landises spent the next four decades working in ministry and raising four children. Fred was the pastor at several small churches in the Northwest. Gwen played the piano and organ and taught Sunday school.
He retired in 1970, and they have lived in Salem since then. They moved to a retirement center in 1994.
"They're just wonderful people. You couldn't find any better," says a friend, Dorothea McAuley. "They're setting an example for everybody. They're always happy. I've never seen one of them angry. They're God's example."
Commitment is the word Gwen uses to describe their marriage success. Fred agrees.
"Sure, we've had squabbles and disagreements galore," he said. "But there's a commitment to marriage because we have a reverence to it."
They have eight grandchildren and 19 great-grandchildren.
Son John, 67, says he continues to be amazed by his parents, their relationship and their lives.
"I think -- I know -- they would not have lived this long singly," John says. "They keep each other going."

From S.A.P.

Life-Negative Phrase What We Should Say

1. That was a horrible experience. 1. That was a challenging event.
2. I will never recover 2. I will recover.
3. I don’t have enough time, money or energy 3. There is always enough time, money and energy.
4. I can’t do it, and I give up 4. I can do it, and I will give it my all.
5. I’m not good enough. 5. I am good enough and am able.
6. What’s the use of trying? 6. I’ll keep at it till I get it right.
7. Life is not worth living. 7. I am grateful for my every blessing.
8. It can’t be done. 8. It can be done.
9. Life is full of problems. 9. Life is full of adventures.
10. The boss won’t like your idea. 10. The boss would love a new idea.
11. There is no way to make money in today’s world 11. There is always room for another good idea & great business.
12. I’m just a loser 12. God loves me, so I must be good.